This morning, I woke up at half-past nine. When I got out of bed, I remembered my dream last night. One of my cousins and uncles appeared in the dream, even though I didn’t think about them.
Then, my memory turned to the dream the night before, where I caught two tailless snakes, which were probably about two fingers on my hand. One was green, and the other was black but smaller and had a tail. The snakes were in a line. It turned into a pen when I caught them, while the smaller one turned into eyebrow pencils.
I also met my dad in that dream, and then I told my dad about the snakes in a whisper as if it was a secret that no one else should know. The dream continued, but this morning I did not remember it anymore. Last night, either Dejavu or my dad was in the dream again, but this morning, I thought about him. Maybe I should have called my dad to ask how he was.
However, I didn’t make a call, but I went to the kitchen to cook instead.
After cooking, I did not know why suddenly a feeling of sadness crept into my heart. Perhaps it was time for me to write down all my thoughts to connect with myself, I thought. I did not write a journal since I have some editing stuff that takes my time, and that is why maybe yesterday I felt like talking to someone just to dilly-dallying. However, I didn’t know who to talk to, so I ended up keeping myself busy with work to forget about my wish to waste time.
Alright, what I said by “I don’t know who to talk to” is not entirely true. I want to contact my friend, but I hold myself.
“You are better than you think.”
The quote appeared on my social media timeline; I nodded when I read it. I need the kind of motivational quote this morning. Then, I continued to scroll down; the article’s title, shared by an educational website, made me think to write down my thoughts right away. It said, “Journaling is a powerful form of self-care,” and I agree.
Usually, I write in a journal to write down gratitude or write something down when my feelings are melancholy. And usually, my mood will get better after writing it. So, instead of reading the article, I wrote down my feelings and thoughts.
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In the middle of writing, I thought to write every day again, even though it was just ordinary days, and nothing special happened. Sometimes the desire to perpetuate my days is strong, but the desire quickly disappears the next day. Either because of my mood change or because I had a busy day. Shame on me.
I kept writing down my thoughts, the affirmation voice about time management was streaming from the music player on the computer. Before I started to write, I thought about turning on some music, but I gave up in my mind. Most of the songs in my playlist have lyrics that will worsen my feelings, so I chose to play affirmations to accompany me to write. And in another room, the television was on, and the sound was quite loud.
Usually, I will turn it down when I get disturbed by the TV sound. But I did not bother this time. I let the sound of the TV mix with the affirmative voice from the computer in the air. But still, my ears were focused only on the voice of the affirmation.
After I wrote some paragraphs, I realized that I was thinking about an unfinished draft, the encyclopedia of writing, in the past few days. I tend to avoid finishing it, even though I have many sources to start with. I was worried because it was my first time writing a children’s story. It felt challenging, so I avoided it, but my brain kept looking for ways to get the script finished.
I stopped my journal; then, I continued yesterday’s editing work. I have four scripts to finish this month, which probably also affected my mood this morning. I have a lot of things in mind. But then I started to finish my work gradually. One manuscript is 90 percent complete. Then I moved on to the second script. In this second script, I made some revisions; then, I had to wait for some writers to revise the writing of references and add their profiles; after that, there’s nothing to be worried about.
Then I moved on to check my draft. I start to work on it. I gather some other sources, write them, edit them, and finally, it finishes. I have always avoided the manuscript for days and finally finished this afternoon. I did it with ease. Thank God.
Two things that I learned today:
When you think of a way out of something continuously, without realizing it, the subconscious looks for a way out to help you understand what you desire. Secondly, there are times you feel low and do not have faith in yourself, but if you believe you can improve, develop, and learn, then you will get what you wanted.
