his morning, I woke up at half-past nine. When I get out of bed, I remember the dream I had last night. One of my cousins and uncles appeared in the dream, even though I didn’t think about them.
Then, my memory turned to the dream the night before, where I caught two tailless snakes which were probably about two fingers on my hand. One is green, one is black, and the other is black but smaller and has a tail. The snakes were in a line; when I caught them, they turned into pens, while the smallest snakes turned into eyebrow pencils.
I also met my dad in that dream, and then I told my dad about the snake in a whisper as if it was a secret that no one else should know. The dream continues, but this morning I don’t remember it anymore. Last night, either it was just Dejavu or my dad was in the dream again, but this morning, I thought about him. Maybe I should have called my dad to ask how he was.
However, I didn’t make a call, but I went to the kitchen to cook instead.
After cooking, I don’t know why suddenly a feeling of sadness creeps into my heart. Perhaps it’s time for me to writing down all my thoughts to connect with myself, I thought. I did not write a journal since I have some editing stuff that takes my time, and that is why maybe yesterday I felt like talking to someone just to dilly-dallying. However, I didn’t know who to talk to, so I ended up keeping myself busy with work to forget about my wish to wasting time.
Alright, what I said by ‘I don’t know who to talk to’ is not entirely true. I want to contact my friend, who has just decided to go away forever. But I hold myself. Talking to him again does not mean that my feelings will get better, but might happen otherwise, will be even worse, and my day will be in a mess. So I move on.
“You are better than you think.”
The quote appeared on my social media timeline; I nodded when I read it. I need the kind of motivational quote this morning. Then, I continue to scroll down; the article’s title, shared by an educational website, makes me think to write down my thoughts right away. It said, “Journaling is a powerful form of self-care,” and I agree.
Usually, I write in a journal to write down gratitude or to write something down when my feelings are like today, melancholy. And usually, my mood will get better after writing a journal. So, instead of reading the article, I started to write down from my heart.
In the middle of writing, I thought to write every day again, even though it was just ordinary days, and nothing special happened. Sometimes the desire to perpetuate my days is strong, but the desire quickly disappears the next day. Either because of my mood change or because I had a busy day. Shame on me.
I keep writing down my thoughts, the affirmation voice about time management is streaming from the music player on the computer. Before I started to write, I thought about turning on some music, but I gave up in my mind. Most of the songs in my playlist have lyrics that will make my feelings worse, so I chose to play affirmations to accompany me to write. And in another room, the television is on, and the sound is quite loud. Usually, when I start to get disturbed by the TV sound, I will ask Munifa or Rami to turn it down. But at the moment, I do not bother. I let the sound of the TV mix with the affirmative voice from the computer in the air. But still, my ears are focused only on the voice of the affirmation.
After I wrote some paragraphs, I realized that I was thinking about an unfinished draft in the past few days, the encyclopedia of writing. I tend to avoid finishing it, even though I have many sources to start with. I was worried because it is my first time writing a children’s story. It felt challenging, so I avoided it, but my brain kept looking for ways to get the script finished.
I stop my journal; then, I started to continue yesterday’s editing work. I have four scripts to finish this month, which probably also affected my mood this morning. I have a lot of things in mind. But then I started to finish my work gradually. One manuscript is 90 percent complete. Then I move on to the second script. In this second script, I made some revisions; then, I have to wait for some writers to revise the writing of references and add their profiles; after that, there’s nothing to be worried about.
Then I move on to check my draft. I start to work on it. I gather some other sources, write it, edit it, and finally, it finishes. The manuscript that I have always avoided for days and finally finished this afternoon. I did it with ease. Thank God.
Two things that I learn today:
When we think of a way out of something continuously, without realizing it, the subconscious looks for a way out to help us to realize what we desired. Secondly, the quote that says, “You are better than you think, “ is definitely correct.