his morning, I awoke at half-past nine. I recalled my last night’s dream when I got out of bed. One of my cousins and uncles appeared in the dream, even though I didn’t remember them.
Then, my memory went back to the dream the night before, where I captured two tailless snakes, the size of them probably about two fingers on my hand. One was green and the other was black, but smaller and had a tail. The snakes were in a line, when I retrieved them, they turned into a pen, while the smaller one turned into a women’s make-up utensil for eye make-up!
I also saw my dad in that dream, and then I told my dad about the snakes in a soft voice as if it was a secret that no one else should know. The dream continued, but this morning I did not recall it anymore. Last night, either Dejavu or my dad was there in my dream, but I thought about him this morning. Maybe I should have called my dad to ask how he was. However, I didn’t do that, but I went to the kitchen to cook instead.
After cooking, I did not know why suddenly a feeling of lament crept into my heart. Perhaps it was time for me to write down all my thoughts to connect with myself, I thought. I did not write a journal since I have some editing stuff that takes my time, and that is why maybe yesterday I felt like talking to someone just to wile away the time. However, I didn’t know who I could verbalize this too! so I ended up keeping myself busy with work to forget about my desire to waste time.
Alright, what I said by “I don’t know who to talk to” is not entirely true. I want to relate to my friend, but I hold myself.
“You are better than you think.”
The quote appeared on my social media timeline; I nodded when I read it. I need the kind of motivational quote this morning. Then, I continued to scroll down; the article’s title which was shared by an educational website spurred me to write down there and then. It said, “Journaling is a powerful form of self-love,” and I agree.
Usually, I write in a journal to write down things I am thankful for or write something down when I feel a bit down and my mood will get better after writing them down. So, instead of reading the article, I wrote down my feelings and thoughts.
In the middle of writing, I resolved to write every day again, even though it was just ordinary days, and nothing special happened. Sometimes the desire to perpetuate my days are strong, but the desire quickly disappears the next day. Either because of my mood change or because I had a busy day. I seem so fickle!
Audio affirmation was streaming from the music player on the computer and the sound of tv in another room was loud. Usually, I will turn it down when I get disturbed by the TV sound. But I did not bother this time. I let the sound of the TV mix with the affirmative voice from the computer in the air. But still, my ears were focused only on the voice of the affirmation.
After I wrote some paragraphs, I realized that I was thinking about an unfinished draft, the encyclopedia of writing, in the past few days. I tend to avoid finishing it, even though I have many sources to start with. I was worried because it was my first time writing a children’s story. It felt challenging, so I avoided it, but my brain kept looking for ways to get the script finished.
I stopped my journal; then, I continued yesterday’s editing work. I have four scripts to finish this month, which probably also affected my mood this morning. I have a lot of things on mind. But then I started to finish my work gradually. One manuscript is 90 percent complete. Then I moved on to the second script. In this second script, I made some revisions; then, I had to wait for some writers to revise the writing of references and add their profiles; after that, there’s nothing to be worried about. Progress was being made.
Then I moved on to check my draft. I start to work on it. I gather some other sources, write them, edit them, and finally, it finishes. I have always avoided the manuscript for days and finally finished this afternoon. I did it with ease. Thank God.
Two things that I learned today:
When you unconsciously think of a way out of something without realizing it, the subconscious looks for a way out to help you understand what you desire, and that roars into your conscious mind! It is like a light that shines suddenly.
Secondly, sometimes you feel low and do not have faith in yourself, but if you believe you can improve, develop, and learn, you will get what you want because you are going where you are thinking.